Birthdays, sunshine and gagging orders...

October the second. A date forever in my mind. I use it on all my internet business as my "special date" for a security question. It always will be a special day to me.
Clare's birthday of course, and so I sent her a text message to wish her a happy birthday (in Finnish it goes without saying!) and caused a bit of trouble as a result. I sent the text quite early, and then forgot all about it.
I have been texting a girl called Gwen who lives in Cardiff - met her through the internet dating site thing - and she's quite chatty, so it's nice when you feel alone at night to have the phone bleep and get a little message here and there. Usually it's just something like "I'm watching cracker with a glass of wine, isn't it cold out?" to which I reply "Yeah, watching X-factor instead with an apple and glass of cranberry juice." - high emotion stuff you have to agree, lol. Anyway, I was looking at flats on the internet this morning and feeling very sad and low about it all. I heard the phone bleep and thought 'cool, it's Gwen, might have a chat and take my mind of this' and ran to get the phone. As I picked it up I saw it was Clare who had texted me back, and I can only describe the feeling as being like a kid on Christmas morning opening a present and at first thinking it is just a pair of gloves only to turn round and see his real present is a mountain bike. It brought a smile to my day - but then Clare always does. When she comes round I feel like a real person again for hours after.
Anyway, this is where I screwed up. I got excited and really wanted to phone her and wish her all the best and hoping she was having a great birthday. For some reason I thought she would be at her mum's house as it was her birthday so I didn't think twice and called her.
She answered like she was hiding in an escape tunnel at Colditz. Hushed voice, shaking a lot, and sounding almost tearful. She explained she was at Banwell, which didn't click instantly, but obviously meant at his parent's house. It felt awful, made my stomach sick. She was hiding it from him I suppose, in case he kicked off about it. I am so sorry for Clare. She left for a better and more free life and has ended up being controlled and told what she can and can't do.
To me she is like a beautiful butterfly. Through my mistakes and my eternal regret this perfect butterfly was trapped in the window, trying to fly free into the great outdoors. All I had to do was open the window and let her out so she could have flown free. Instead I did nothing, and she flew to the backdoor and tried to slip out, only to fly straight into a spider's web. This is where we are now. Clare is just relieved to be outside, but despite the fact she is stuck and held fast, she has still not noticed the spider rushing out.
I don't know what to do. I love Clare too much to watch her die, but at the same time my love for her is real and true and I cannot intervene.

I read a great story about love setting people free:

The Round Table King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch-only she would know the answer. The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. Finally, the last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he had to accept her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most notable of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and hideous, only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises ... etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighbouring monarch granted Arthur total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable. The fateful hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! The Knight was astounded. Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do?
Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

A lesson anyone who proclaims to love another should always remember....